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Forthcoming Fixtures |
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04 September (RFU week 1)
1st XV play Old Actonians 1st/4 at home kick-off 3.00pm
2nd XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
3rd XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
4th XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
B XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
11 September (RFU week 2)
1st XV play London Exiles 1st at home kick-off 3.00pm
2nd XV play Bec OB 2nd/3 at home kick-off 3.00pm
3rd XV play Staines 4th/4 away kick-off 3.00pm
4th XV play Woking 2nd/2 at home kick-off 3.00pm
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Latest Results |
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17 April (RFU week 31) |
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| Chairman's XV | | 34 |
| Captain's XV | | 36 |
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| Captain's XV | | 36 |
| Chairman's XV | | 34 |
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All results |
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Player Registration |
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Guernsey Tour Report |
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Posted on Friday, October 08 @ 15:09:36 BST by etimbo |
 
The tour started very quietly for all with a 7am meet at Gatwick causing a few bleary eyes. Amazingly all were there near enough on time, despite the chairman’s, DGS, attempts. Rob Darcy provided the majority of the early entertainment as he was the only non player involved (apart from the Alicadoos of course) and he set the early benchmark as he sank 2 pints of Stella before take off at 8.45am.
A quick transfer to the hotel, a bit of sightseeing, a couple more pints for Darcy and the boys were ready for the game and the official tour start-time of 5pm.
The less said about the actual match the better but please see the separate Match Report if you are interested
5pm came and the team put the disappointments behind them to start sinking beers at a solid and steady rate in the GRUFC clubhouse. Trigs and Hatchy looked very sexual in their nice tight vests for man & c*** of the match respectively. The Alicadoos were very well represented with Ray Burton to the fore leading them back to the glory days, many thanks to them.
Then disaster stuck, Big Gay Hay won a bottle of whisky in the raffle (using the ref’s ticket), and 10 minutes later the singing began with some marvellous renditions of Delilah, Flower of Scotland & Waltzing Matilda for their kiwi captain (he wasn’t too happy). Shoehorn and Monkey then stepped up to take the singing to a new level with the whole clubhouse getting involved with some frankly boisterous songs. Their two hour set of old classics and newly written material entertained all and will be available in all good music shops from Monday.
Joyous revelry all round before the taxis (aka Mad Dog’s van) were called to take the team to town.
The Red Onion and Follies were the venues and that’s about all that anyone can remember……..
Personal Highs included: (Key: BR – Boat Race Team, ST – Swimming Team)
DGS – bouncing of walls/cars on his way home having gone from sober/sensible to drunken buffoon in a matter of seconds, having 5 pints on the Sunday (crazy fool). Only member of the team to find the beach. Almost chucked off the plane.
Owen ‘Bowen’ Roberts – non stop dancing and getting overexcited at all times, very good shouting at girls in nightclub – ‘you should be honoured he even touched you!!’ Is disappointed he missed out on the hotel activities by going straight to bed. BR
Graham ‘Wotsit’ Folley – propping up his namesake Folleys nightclub for a long, long time, looking very dapper the next day and a constant wit throughout. Found time on Saturday night to go for a few glasses of Merlot at a wine bar.
Simon ‘Carsy’ Carr – coming out alive after sharing with Wotsit, also very dapper on Sunday.
Donal ‘Doh’ Smith – a cracking performance in the pool and on the stage, looked dreadful all of Sunday. Managed to start a fight from nothing in the burger shop. BR, ST
Chris ‘Monkey’ Reid – a virtuoso singing performance and phoning Shoehorn about 15 times, the ladies took a shine to the big man and his stitches. Was found wanting when for the first time ever he failed to have playing cards when needing them for a game of strip poker. BR
Will ‘Macca’ McIntosh – several failed attempts at sensible conversations early doors but came to life on the dancefloor and in the pool, always late and lucky not to be fined for it. BR
Scott ‘Too Hot’ Moorhead – Self-proclaimed “Best Looking Man” in the club. Crap at most things, he discovered an amazing ability to lie about anything and everything. Best Lie: ‘trigs (Swim team captain) can’t swim’. He even purchased some armbands to help his lie. A shocking drinking display was not a surprise and as usual Scott was found wanting on the dance floor. Organised boat race to avoid drinking in it. Threw a strop when made to down some whisky. ST
Dave ‘Evsy’ Evans – a cracking rendition of Delihah led the troops on, a good yak following a few too many captains songs, a whole evening on the dancefloor restored any lost pride, discovered the glory of stroking girls with your OPFC tie and capped the evening by getting his tie on the hotel flagpole. As Chief Sneak he ensured that details of the tour reached home before the team did.
Chris ‘Shoehorn’ Clark – awesome singing and general debauchery in the clubhouse, fell away after 8pm as he was not allowed in any pubs or clubs, a disappointing end to a very promising start. Good snoring was also noted. BR
Will ‘Pete’ Brookbank – Great squealing at the touchjudge during the game and trying to phone Darcy on many occasions despite the phone being in his pocket. Another one, who despite several attempts, was not let into Follies due to being too hammered. BR
Chris ‘BurgerVan’ Dinwiddy – Several failed attempts to not drink took their toll as the bigman was a blubbering wreck by Follies, lots of walking around looking lost, his 1 trip to the dancefloor was shortlived after getting smacked round the head. BR
Rob ‘Darcy’ Darby – A brilliant display, one to be proud of, not only did he keep the morale of the team up with his early tour drinking, his talent for getting lost and not let into pubs led to a kip by the harbour and on 2 different benches. An encounter with a police dog did not deter him as he ended the night in style by sleeping outside the hotel to be woken by the cleaner in the morning – lost everything he had except the respect of his team-mates which is currently off the chart.
Brandon ‘Random’ Roberts – Another strong showing from the token student. Led the boat race team exceptionally well, his ability to drink pints quick is frankly disgusting. A brief encounter with some ladies, going to the wrong nightclub and wearing the same clothes all weekend should all be congratulated. Looked shocking all Sunday was in another world for most of it. Comedy suffering from travel sickness even when not travelling. BR
Terrance ‘Triga’ Rigga – Last minute replacement for Craig Oxby, his extreme excitement early doors worried a few but he came through in style, good grinding and mild nudity at Follies finished with a kip on the war memorial. Disappointed all by not swimming despite being captain (sorry ex-captain) of the swim team – although this could be because he can’t actually swim or so we heard. BR
Hugh ‘Coach’ Taggart – a solid performance capped off by finding DGS bouncing off walls on his way home. Managed to stay asleep despite trigs’ best efforts. Led the Sunday afternoon drinking with aplomb.
Ed ‘Big Gay’ Hayward – Started the ball rolling with the whiskey, played a safe game concentrating on his strengths, drinking, shouting and pointing. Kept the team together when people started to stray, very bad bruising around the nipple region. Some top bombing in the pool. BR, ST
Pete ‘Porno’ Hatch – Supplied the team well with various merchandise, came to the fore in the Red Onion and came a valiant second in the ‘Crazy Second Row’ contest just losing out to Jock the Irish psycho from Guernsey. Also went to the wrong nightclub but attoned for his errors by smacking Random really hard. Proved that despite splitting with long-time drinking partner Rodney (RIP), he is still a force to be reckoned with. A sorry sight on Sunday. BR
Simon ‘Kipling’ Hewitt – Mr Tour Admin. Just beaten by Scott in the bad drinker contest and this seemed to drive him on to bigger and better things. A solid nightclub performance but did play up to cameras a bit. Came to the fore in the pool showing great nudity and a good ability to rub himself against girls. Took over captaincy of the swim team after a majestic naked dive. Great innocent look to the owner of the hotel when told about naked people in the swimming at 2am, and shouting at residents. ST
All in all the team put in a fantastic performances with many memories that will remain for a long, long time and some that will come back over the coming weeks. However some members will be looking to improve on the performances for the upcoming mini tours to Southampton (Nov 20th) and Romsey (Jan 29) before the Big One to the USA over Easter.
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Votes: 10
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