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Forthcoming Fixtures |
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04 September (RFU week 1)
1st XV play Old Actonians 1st/4 at home kick-off 3.00pm
2nd XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
3rd XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
4th XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
B XV play Internal Club Trials at home kick-off 1pm
11 September (RFU week 2)
1st XV play London Exiles 1st at home kick-off 3.00pm
2nd XV play Bec OB 2nd/3 at home kick-off 3.00pm
3rd XV play Staines 4th/4 away kick-off 3.00pm
4th XV play Woking 2nd/2 at home kick-off 3.00pm
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Latest Results |
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17 April (RFU week 31) |
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| Chairman's XV | | 34 |
| Captain's XV | | 36 |
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| Captain's XV | | 36 |
| Chairman's XV | | 34 |
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Team Chav triumph in last gasp final play... |
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Posted on Monday, April 19 @ 10:40:13 BST by jacksonc |
 Old Pauline Chairman's XV 34 Old Pauline Captain's XV 36
Saturday 17th April 2010
Match Report by Citizen Jackson
In the annual posh vs proles slugfest, the battle lines were drawn from around Wednesday onwards. David "I know this is supposed to be a bit of fun, but I am quite competitive so let's not lose please" Cox providing motivational tips for team chav on how to pinpoint the opposition weaknesses, whilst Harry focused on ensuring that his team would turn out in full brogues and chinos, equipped with crudités and dips for halftime, not to mention botttles of San Pellegrino - as if carbonated drinking water was somehow a sign of class. Roland turned out in a nasty looking waistcoat which appeared as if someone may have vomited on it. Andy King, whose birthday was the day before, may well have been that culprit.
Rich Johnson, clearly concussed and forgetting he was on the posh team, got the day off to a great start, by crashing his motor into Bob's. For most of the chav team the temptation of moving the car into a quiet corner of the car park and setting light to it, nearly proved too much, but eventually we got started.
Well, we got started in the sense that we had the "who wears what kit drop kick off" contest which the uneducated masses won convincingly - 3 nil. The first of many losses for "the tweed". The old Etonian referee had yet to arrive so even he could not rig this contest.
Their next brutal loss came after about 30 seconds of the match when Gavin Elliott was cruelly taken out by the chav weapon of choice - the flying headbutt of Micky Mullin. We all love a bit of "oirish on oirish" when it involves a couple of the Corrs sisters, but this was too much for most and Andy King could be heard retching in the background. Oh no, hang on, he always does that.
After restarting with 14 players, the posh finally got off to a good start with Ed Davenport conveniently throwing a double miss skipping Barrett and Jackson straight into the arms of Shillaker. The only issue here was Davenport, Barrett and Jackson were on the same side, but Shillaker was not.
Shillaker, like a hamstrung asthmatic with particularly heavy shopping, galloped all the way home to dot down for try no 1.
Powelly, wise old silver chav that he is, realised Shillaker would be exhausted by this and equalised soon after for "the town", cutting a great line and running straight through the hole which Shillaker had previously occupied.
More comedy passes from Davenport saw the posh gather a loose ball, with Carrsy executing a perfect chip and chase, with the ball sitting up nicely for him to regather and score, making Lawrence look like a fool. Sorry, more of a fool.
In true chav fashion, they got angry and started fighting amongst themselves, unable to understand how they had at least 80% of possession, three quarters of the rizlas and blue WKD, but still someone was trying to take their benefits off them. Sorry, I mean how come they were down by one try again.
Cometh the hour cometh the man from Croydon. With the most telegraphed dummy from the base of a ruck on the posh try line, Coxy dived over. Game on.
Half time came and went and it was clear the chavs had been playing their stolen ipods too loud, as the cries of "let's not throw any more loose passes and lets take 50/50 ball to the deck" must have fallen on deaf ears. I can't really remember the ins and outs, as Donal tackled me via my wedding tackle, but they scored a couple more (including Carrsy racing up the wing again, waving at Coxy) because of chavs littering the loose ball, but then we got a couple more back as well, so it was 24 all by this stage.
An injury to the Mexican for the upper classes saw Captain Jackson ask of his chattering classes team what no man should ever have to ask another man. No, not "did you Sky plus "Glee" last week?" but something much worse. "Could someone of public or private school education please admit to it and swap teams to even up the sides?" Nervous gazes hit the ground, hair was scraped back, "Croydon facelift style" in worry, and the silence was only broken by the gentle clanging of Elizabeth Duke jewellery. Eventually Mickey was asked to step up as he was the result for the initial mismatch anyway.
The banter was getting lively, with Powelly apologising to Rich Johnson for making him look like an idiot, before promptly returning the favour attempting to intercept a pass instead of tackling Shillaker, missing it by about 5m, to allow the posh to re-take the lead after Citizen Jackson had put the proles into what had appeared to be a winning position.
90 seconds left on the clock and 3 points down, the Captain's XV chose not to rush their victory, with Sammy slicing the kick off and Shillaker kicking long to put the chavs back in their own 22 with about 30 seconds left.
However, we secured the lineout and ran hard and straight up the park, with the posh realising that their post match changing room "bumathon" may be a consolation prize after all, and not the victory conga they anticipated. Two tap penalties for them killing the ball later, and a late charge to the line by Wellings secured victory for the hoi polloi. Much merriment followed in the wonderful spring sunshine and all agreed, that as ever, this was truly one of the most fun games we all ever get to play in. Bring on next year.
Chairman's XV
Carr, Godfrey, Shillaker, Vann, Johnson, Beagent, Turner, Smith, Preece, Benjamin, Palairet, Baggott, King, Oxby, Elliott
MOM: Carrsy
Captain's XV
Lawrence, Morcombe, Powell, Jackson, Cox, Barrett, Davenport, Ward, Madden, Crawshaw, Ward, Lovelock, Mullin, Wellings, Parker
MOM: Crawsh
Referee:
Paddy King
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