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11 September (RFU week 2)
1st XV play London Exiles 1st at home kick-off 3.00pm
2nd XV play Bec OB 2nd/3 at home kick-off 3.00pm
3rd XV play Staines 4th/4 away kick-off 3.00pm
4th XV play Woking 2nd/2 at home kick-off 3.00pm
18 September (RFU week 3)
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4th XV play O.Walcountian 3rd/3 away kick-off 3.00pm
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X Factor - the write up |
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Posted on Thursday, February 04 @ 15:50:56 GMT by jacksonc |
The titanic struggle to become singing champions of the club was once again renewed with the annual (in its unprecedented second year) X Factor Christmas Party.
An awesomely dressed and wigged foursome of Simon Cowell (Maxi Preece) Cheryl Cole (Simon Hewitt) Louis Walsh (Helen King) and Dannii Minogue (Chris Jackson) lined up to assess and evaluate what was perhaps the toughest contest so far, with Dermot (Sam Lawrence) compering once more with aplomb.
The 1s kicked off proceedings by performing “It’s raining men “. “Performing” is a very broad term, thankfully, as aside from the vocal delights of Wellings and the not quite so competent voice of Trigga, coupled with the pair of tone deaf dancing retards of Davenport and Radders, who make Jedward look like Einstein and Newton by comparison, there was little of note in the opening gambit.
Thankfully, things stepped up a gear with Max Sheppard in a size 22 dress miming averagely whilst dressed as Susan Boyle, before the least convincing amateurish medley ever ensued, with SuBo’s “I dreamed a dream” and “Wild Horses” dropping into the Thames Ditton equivalent of BoysIIMen.
JLS, bedecked in classic pastel Primark hoodies mashed up the Subo classics with “Beat Again” and “Everybody in love”, though they were still ...just…miming. To see Paddy King, a man approaching 30 and self proclaimed corporate finance expert, trying to spin on his head whilst Macdonald Junior performed the JLS “beating heart” dance move will live long in the memory. The act was less “Street” and more “Mews” but definitely brought a smile to the faces of the assembled throng. But they didn’t sing – more of which later.
The 3s took a satirical approach, with Gavin Elliott, (looking like Billy Bob Thornton in “Bad Santa”), and Ali Macdonald (looking like his little elfish prison bitch) crooning their way through “White Christmas” with other members of the 3rd team acting out references to both the “bloodgate” affair and the affinity of certain Bath RFC members for the old Colombian marching powder. This well observed, expertly executed piece of timely satire (about 7 months late) also got the crowd enthused, though Cowell infuriated his own team mates and only friends in the world by describing the act as a “one trick pony” . Watch out at the bottom of the ruck this year Maxi…
The 4s and vets combined their wisened years and plethora of experience to bring something truly unique and disturbing to the table. Coxy dressed as Mariah Carey and Benjo as Pavarotti delivered a mixed English/Italian version of “Hero”. Coxy liking his dress as much as he did, or Benjo knowing of such a version of this god-awful song – difficult to tell which was the more worrying.
The judges, after much deliberation, decided that a sing off was required for the top two acts. The 1s miraculously qualified on the proviso Radcliffe was banned and Wellings, as a former chorister, did all the singing. The JLS and SuBo juggernaut also squeezed through, leaving Bad Santa muttering about an anti northern Irish bias, and Pavarotti tugging at his Amish/Jewish/Catholic facial hair in disgust.
Inevitably the 2s triumphed on the basis that their act was more original and at least more than one of them was not completely inept. Though how they won without actually singing is something of a stroke of genius. The all comers singing that followed this victory carried on long into the night, with all partaking and maybe, just maybe, Sam got his deposit back on the mics. Here’s to the X Factor 2010 competition!
Jacko
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